Medical Providers:
Dr. Randy Gelow, MD, FASAM
Ray Hamilton, DNP, PMHNP-BC, FNP-C
Last Updated: July 31, 2025
Dating someone with a drinking problem can leave you feeling confused, exhausted, and isolated. One minute you’re in love; the next, you are worried about their safety, behavior, and the future of your relationship.
Are you dating an alcoholic? You are not alone. Neither are you powerless! You need to recognize the signs of alcohol abuse in your partner and set boundaries.
More importantly, you need to figure out how to care for yourself while encouraging your partner to help.
Alcoholism does not always look the same in everyone. Many people struggling with alcohol use disorder (AUD) are high-functioning individuals. They appear social, successful, and in control. When you’re dating a functioning alcoholic, you only realize he is an alcoholic when his cracks start to show behind closed doors.
Are you dating a functioning alcoholic? Are you dating someone whose drinking feels unpredictable, excessive, or harmful? Are you dating an alcoholic in denial? It is crucial to recognize the signs that you are dating an alcoholic.
They drink frequently, even during inappropriate times. This may include drinking in the morning, during work hours, or in situations where alcohol is not socially expected. Eventually, it becomes a routine and not a casual habit.
Your partner hides bottles, lies about how much he drank, and gets defensive when asked about his drinking. This could imply guilt and dependency.
You notice major personality changes when he drinks, such as withdrawal, aggression, or recklessness. His emotional shifts can create fear and confusion in your relationship.
His drinking takes priority over important things in life. He misses family events, quality time with you, and chooses alcohol over his responsibilities with you.
He continues drinking despite negative consequences such as job trouble, legal issues, or health scares. He has denial in alcoholism.
It is also worth looking into your behavior. Are you always worried about his drinking? Do you find yourself walking on eggshells to keep the peace? Do you cover up embarrassing situations he gets into or make excuses for him? You should not ignore these because they are signs of a possible co-dependency and emotional strain.
Recognizing the red flags of alcoholism in your partner does not mean you are blaming or labeling him. Understanding the situation allows you to make informed decisions about how to support them, set boundaries, and care for yourself.
Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) is a chronic brain disorder that can range from mild to severe. Individuals with alcohol addiction do not have the ability to stop or control alcohol use, even when it causes relationships, work problems, or serious health issues. How do you deal with dating an alcoholic?
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health classifies AUD as DSM-5). A person with AUD shows 2 or more of these symptoms for mild, 4-5 symptoms for moderate, and 6 or more symptoms for severe AUD within a 12-month period:
Here are some effects of dating an alcoholic:
Being in a relationship with an alcoholic often means riding an emotional rollercoaster. You always feel:
This emotional toll can lead to depression, anxiety, or even trauma. Acknowledge your pain because your feelings are valid.
AUD is treatable. Rehab programs, therapy, support groups, and medication can help people with AUD recover and rebuild their lives. The earlier the alcoholic seeks help, the better the outcomes.
It can be challenging to love someone with substance use disorders. It is normal to feel helpless, overwhelmed, or unsure of how to deal with the situation. While you deeply love your partner, his struggle with alcoholism impacts every aspect of your life, especially your mental health.
You can still support your partner’s move toward recovery while protecting your well-being. Here are some tips for dating an alcoholic.
Share your concerns, without accusations, when he is sober. Use statements such as, “I worry when you drink and drive.”
Make clear you will not tolerate lying, verbal abuse, drunk driving, or domestic violence. You are not threatening him. You want self-respect.
Encourage him to explore treatment options such as support groups, rehab, or. Therapy. Do not bribe or pressure him.
You also need support. Confide in a trusted friend or join a support group. You do not have to go through this burden alone.
When you’re in a relationship with someone who has AUD, your instincts may drive you to fix, protect, and sacrifice for them. You may have well-meaning actions. But despite your well-meaning actions and the best intentions. But they can make things worse by hurting you both.
Here’s what to avoid:
It’s natural to want to rescue someone you love because you cannot love someone out of addiction. But patience, love, or willpower cannot cure addiction. Change must come from your alcoholic partner.
Your efforts to “save” or control him may only lead to emotional burnout, resentment, and frustration. You did not cause his addiction and you cannot cure it.
Do not enable. Enabling means unintentionally protecting your partner from the consequences of his alcohol consumption. Do not lie for him to family and friends, do not call in sick for him, do not make excuses or tolerate behavior of his drinking habits.
Enabling may look like you are supportive of his condition. Yet, it tends to prevent your partner from facing the problem and delaying his motivation to seek help.
Covering for their behavior, making excuses, or helping them avoid consequences only allows the cycle to continue.
Never neglect your career, happiness, or health, and prioritize your partner’s addiction. It is damaging instead of noble.
Neglecting yourself in someone else’s addiction can affect your mental and physical health. It can also drain you. Do not put your goals on hold or withdraw from friends. It is not selfish to take care of yourself. It is essential.
Seek support and prioritize your needs. With a clear mind, compassion, and strength, you can help your partner deal with his addiction.
It may be difficult to walk away from your partner. But sometimes your love is not enough to save a relationship, especially when you are not physically and emotionally safe. When is it time to step away?
It can be heartbreaking to walk away from an alcoholic. But, often, it is the healthiest decision for both of you. Separation can sometimes be the wake-up call he needs to commit to recovery.
There is no guarantee your relationship can survive your partner’s addiction problem. But getting treatment gives it a real chance. Rehab centers can transform the chaos in your relationship into clarity and offer both of you the tools to heal individually and as a couple.
Dating an alcoholic in recovery can be the start of a significant relationship. If you are dating a recovering alcoholic, support him, but do not forget to support yourself, too. Healthy love will grow when you both feel whole.
Recovery can save the future of your relationship. Healing and hope start with recovery. When alcohol addiction overcomes a relationship, it affects both partners. But there is hope that your relationship has a future. Treatment programs can be the turning that can save your partner’s life and your relationship with an alcoholic.
The Hope House provides a safe and structured environment to reflect, detox, and begin recovery. This will give your relationship space to breathe and reset. Together, you can begin to write your new story. A love story built on shared growth, mutual respect, and support.
